I know I know...

This summer has been an amazing one, I feel as though I have gone leaps and bounds beyond where I was a year ago. It was only then That I became a Worship Leader. I still can't beleive that God can use someone like me. I am challenged more and more everyday and now it seems every time I step into work in the Morning I wonder how I can be better and Shine HIS light more. I don't know how every day brings a new and different challenge, But somehow it always does. In everything I do I wonder how I can be more like Jesus. Things that I once never questioned I now question. Is Christ the center of my life? I find myself wondering that more and more. This summer started with a challenge.
The challenge... To read the whole bible in a summer. Can I do it? Do I even want to accept this challenge? Iv'e read a lot of the bible but never from cover to cover. And honestly theres a lot in there that I skipped over in the past and ruled out as irrelevent. I know I am not alone here on this point. Come on. I mean honestly The New testament is so much more interesting Right? Wrong! Was I ever wrong. I openly admit I was completely and totally wrong about everything I ever thought about the book that sat closed on my dresser far more than open. I looked at the task as just that, A Task. And through it God showed me so much more. The word of God is so amazing and Now I look back and what started as 13 chapters a day turned into Reading about Life. As I read and read I craved more and more. God is awesome that way. The things I once thought I understood He shows me there is so much more to it. I still havent finished it, Im coming up on the New testament and I know that God has so much more to teach me. Here is what I read today.
1 Corinthians 4:18 Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think You are wise by the worlds standards,
You need to become a fool to be truly wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. God Knows the thoughts of the wise, He knows they are worthless."
So basically as one wise man once said "Im a just a worm" compared to God

Every time I think I KNOW God or I KNOW about God , God comes in and shows me I know nothing. Somehow he still uses me, It all makes sense to him. I walked in the break room today To buy a oatmeal creme pie out of the machine. My co-worker looked at me and said "Whats that your reading." I showed him my Bible and said "The BIBLE" and he looked away and said sarcastically "Thats interesting" and so I said "Yea actually It's very Interesting" . and it is read it You will see!

Raul
"The worm"

Help ME?

Psalm 84:12 O Lord of Heavens Armies, What Joy for those who trust in You. Earlier in the same Psalm it says what joy for those who's strength comes from the Lord, and What Joy for those who can live in Your house. and my favorite verse 2 With my whole being, Body and Soul, I will SHOUT joyfully to the living God. The common Thread throughout the Psalms is Praise and Joy. I have read the whole book and it is awesome. I want to start over again from the beginning, in fact I think I might. God is real, God is Alive. In times of great distress the writers of Psalms decided to Praise God. When You praise God and remember his goodness, you in turn are filled with Joy. It's not always that you ask for it. Its only that He loves us enough to give it to us. I have experienced this first hand. There is a verse in there that says...The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He comforts those who are crushed in spirit. I have felt crushed many times. None more so than when my wife Rachael Passed away. I cried out to God and he gave me joy. I never understood how He did, How it was even possible, In fact I still don't. I don't need to understand. I only need to be thankful that I have him to lean on. He carried me, He gave me strength I didn't know I had, And he gave me Joy If You can believe that!. In turn it only made me want to praise him more. God Is so great. So this week I learned a few more lessons about joy, Here is one.
I showed up late to the building, The time was ticking away. I had no desire to do the task at hand. I also had no choice, the job was mine alone and if no one else came through I knew I had to. I know we have all been there a time or two. So I walked in and figured I could just git-R-Done quickly. Then as I looked ahead my entire plan unraveled. There was now twice as much to do and I was twice as hopeless as before that I would ever get done. I complained to myself slightly for a moment as I began. I thought about all the reasons I alone was stuck with this load. Then I remembered a Psalm. I lift my eyes up to the Lord, where does my help come from, My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth. That's the song version, but you get the idea. I looked up and made a decision. I said to the Lord, " God shouldn't I be joyful at the fact that I get to serve You? Shouldn't I too praise You when obstacles arise? Shouldn't I just be Overwhelmed with Joy at the fact that you saved me.? How meaningless is this task, And How is my bad attitude going to make my situation any better?" I then began to work with a whole different mindset. Praising Him. Just then 1 person showed up and began helping. And I make no exaggeration but not even 5 minutes later 2 more people showed up and we finished the task with ease. Every opportunity is one in which we can learn. I learned a lot that day and I hope I can remember the next time I face a meaningless frustrating task.

Daytime of the Night...

What was it that I did? Well I passed by and said nothing. What was it that stopped me in my tracks? The truth is that it didn't really phase me. Who was it that made me think I was okay? I think the fact that I am okay. Okay well You would think that if you saw me. I look pretty normal. What is Normal anyway and who was it that set this standard of normalcy. Do I look different? Not because I intentionally try to run against the crowd so I can be a trend setter. And not because I hate what You tell me to be (Although sometimes I do). Do I stand out because You see something in me. I could only hope so.
I realize that as i run toward Holiness I have found myself unintentionally running away from the world. The hype and the buzz no longer stir me. I can remember a time when the thing I longed for most was to see the next episode of whatever or to hear about the latest - fill in your blank here- Yep that was me living for things that are temporary. I found over the past year I have desired to be closer to God. My pursuit came to life. I didn't figure out a way to go to church more or try better to do the things that everyone knows "church People" are supposed to do. I instead tried to find out more about the God I serve. He is the creator of everything. I believe that with all my heart. Not only that but someone so awesome and so powerful wants to be with me. He actually wants me to have relationship with him. He desires it. He doesn't just want to tell me what to do.
As I look at my journey I see an entirely different person standing here now and I know I have so much further to go. God is so awesome. I am literally in awe of him. I am finding that as I run after him I am leaving behind things that used to be important to me. I just don't care about them anymore. . Suddenly the things that are important to me are more selfless. How can I be a light that God wants me to be? If it means I have to give more up I will welcome it. What does it really matter in this life anyway. I know it wont always be easy. The things I see as a sacrifice today are really nothing compared true sacrifice. Now why do I Ask what i did?
I rode my bike the other day and saw a group of kids hanging out in the park. I thought something that I really haven't thought much about. What are they going through? Where are there hearts? They are important to God and should be important to me. After I passed by I wondered Why I didn't have the courage to go over and tell them about the hope that I have inside. What good is a light hid under a bush. What good is all of this pursuit If I never do anything with it. My own Feelings meant more to me at that time than the eternal life of people that Jesus loved and gave his life for. As you can see I am not the best at all of this I have so much more to learn but God is always teaching me in every situation. In all the things that I read about in the Bible. And in the Godly people he has surrounded me with like P. Jay, Felix, and Ricardo. I remember thinking what would Felix(My friend) have done, He would have more courage, Lord thanks for surrounding me with people that encourage me and challenge me to be more like You.
I believe God has a purpose and the people I meet and we all meet are around us for a reason. Either to encourage us or for us to encourage them.

Be the light.

1 Peter 4:2-3 You won't spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God. You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy-Their immorality and lust, Their feasting and drunkenness and wild parties, and their terrible worship of idols.

1 Peter 3: 15 Instead worship Christ as Lord of Your life. And if someone asks about your christian hope, always be ready to explain it.

1 Peter 2:11-12 Dear friends, I warn You as "temporary residents and foreigners" to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. Be careful to live properly among the unbelieving neighbors, Then even if they accuse You of doing wrong, They will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.

1 Peter 1:14-15 So You must live as God's obedient children. Don't slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn't know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, Just as God who chose you is holy. For the scriptures say "Be Holy, For I am Holy."

Remembrance..

I don't know how to start...  How about with this morning,

I woke up got out of bed, went to work, Did my job! of course.  Then I came home and spent time with Allie, Went to dinner with the fam and laughed a lot. It all sounds pretty normal, I guess that's my point... Two years ago today My wife, Rachael, died... I spent that day the same as any other day, I woke up went to work, did my Job! of course! came home made Rachael and I dinner, went to church, came home and went to bed, Only this is where the similarities end, That night didn't end well, In fact it was the worst night of my life.  Needless to say that was a night I didn't sleep at all. I went through the whole day never once thinking about what and/or WHO wouldn't be there when I woke up. I remember standing there in the hospital when the Doctor told me that it wasn't looking good.  I was mostly just thinking everything would be fine. She had always bounced back before and this time it would be no different. That's when reality hit and I knew this time was in fact much different.  I didn't know what to do, Should I be upset?, What should I?? ........   I did the first thing I knew... I called my brother and said that I was at the hospital and he was on his way before I hung up.  It wasn't until I said it all out loud to  him that it all hit me and as you can imagine I was instantly a wreck.  Not long after he showed up she was gone. forever. 

  What started the same as any other day ended like none other.  I now had the task of calling her parents and siblings as well as my own.  Their seemingly normal days were about to be destroyed as well.   I remember staring at the phone thinking "How can i make this call to her Mom"  But I had to do it. The rest is as you can imagine. Or probably don't even want to...

  This has been a week of remembrance for me.  

1.  This Easter- remembering the death of Christ and his amazing love for me to take my shame and call it his own so I can have Life with him. 

2. Last Easter- remembering Meeting, enjoying friendship with, and eventually falling in love with An amazing woman, Alyssa, and experiencing restoration, which all began last Easter.(Alright Ill admit I pretty much loved her from the start)

3 Last Last Easter- 2 weeks before Rachael passed, We all celebrated Easter together Her family came in to town and my family that was in town all spent the day together and it was the happiest she had been in a long time. It was great to see her that happy, Oxygen tubes and all (We went to take what would be Our last Pic together and she was like wait I need to take the oxygen off -that makes me laugh.)  

  I am glad I got to spend time with my family today, It's great to still have people around me that love me and that i love, And I even got to spend some time with Alyssa, Even though she was super busy.  What a incredible blessing she is to me. I am truly blessed to have such great people in my life. I hope that I don't wake up everyday and forget to tell the people that I love that they matter to me, and that I don't forget how fragile life is. Because everything tragic thing that we face always begins on a seemingly normal day. 

Sounds Heavenly ???

Man, I have been just thinking about worship the past few days...  The word worship, I hear it and I think of music. After-all I am a "Worship Leader" .   I like to think of myself as the song leader at my local church.   I cant make anyone Worship!   And honestly I wouldnt want to or intend to...  I am the song leader though...  I tell everyone where the song is heading.  (Or so i try at least)  

I guess I was thinking about Bible times and how something would happen and then they would worship! Not just the Worship leader, EVERYONE!!  How great is that.  I know it says the words to their song in the bible, But just thinking about it, I couldnt imagine that there was someone who ran into the back room, put together some perfect lyrics.  Then grabbed the "Band" and made sure they all were "Tight"...   Then ran out and put the words up on a tablet so everyone knew the exact words and that (Tablet) (holder Better not screw up the order of the slides eh.. hem I mean tablets)).....     Come on!!   where are we as christians/churchgoers/ lovers of God.. that we cant just Worship Our God that created us.    They didnt need to even know the Lyrics.... They had a song in their heart already..   They already knew what to say.  They didnt need someone to lead them...  When did a song service become so self centered and not God centered.   I like to think they already lived this way it was a way of life for them..  When things went great , they worshipped, when things went bad, they worshipped.  

God never said worship me at a song service.  He only deserves to be worshipped.  The Noise that we call worship to God isnt our hearts cry to him...   The sounds that are soo (or maybe in your case Not sooo) pleasing to our human ears dont even matter to him.  He cares about us..   I can sing a song that tells about God all day long, but if thats not my hearts words he doesnt even hear it..   My prayer for today....

I pray that the sounds that come from me would glorify my God that created me..   Lord let the words that come from my heart always glorify Your name.  Help me to die to my self centered worship and learn to die to you..  Let the noises that we call songs be a pleasing sound to your ears and not to ours.  Break my way of thinking and help me to remember that this life is all about You... so I can praise you everywhere i am from my heart in truth.   Thank you for LOving me I know I dont deserve it.